


Never Let You Go

by paperbuildings



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: F/M, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-06-04
Packaged: 2017-11-06 20:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/423093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperbuildings/pseuds/paperbuildings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One month before the 2008 Presidential election, Rory walks into a Philadelphia bookstore in hopes of making her past her future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Let You Go

** OCTOBER 11th, 2008 **

She stood there, in front of the bookstore where she'd turned him down years earlier. The bookstore where they last kissed, and she'd told him she loved someone else. Looking back, she knew it was a mistake, but it was a mistake she had to make. If this mistake had gone unmade she wouldn't be standing here now, one month before the election, ready to tell him that she was ready. Ready to tell him that it was their time now, that the planets had aligned and led her here. Everything she'd ever done had led her here. She loved him, and she knew she'd known it for so long. Fear can cause denial, and sooner or later you begin to believe that denial. She had believed it then, but the past two years had shown her that she needn't be afraid, and when she realized that, the whole world of him opened up to her. It wouldn't be like last time. He wouldn't disappear again. She knew this now. So she stood there, in front of the bookstore where she'd turned him down years earlier, and she stared at the door, afraid to walk in. She was no longer scared to be with him, but was now afraid that the big red "NO" of his life's vacancy sign would be illuminated, with her stuck out in the cold with no means for shelter.

She breathed, took five steps forward, and pushed open the glass door, upon which a sign reading "We're now OPEN" was hanging. She hoped he would be as much: open; open for her, and for them, and for the future that she hoped for with him. As she crossed the threshold the familiar smell of books welcomed her in. Though she'd only been here once before, she was home and walking through room full of past, present, and future friends. Atticus, Holden, Jay Gatsby, and she even assumed her good friend Howard Roark was here somewhere, though she knew the man she came here to find would be none too thrilled about it.

An African-American man, probably the same age as her, with a mop of dreadlocks atop his head, was reading a Jonathan Safron Foer novel behind the counter. _Everything is Illuminated_. She'd never read it, but the cover looked promising. "Good book?" she asked.

"Mmhmm," he grunted.

"That's good. What's it about?"

"Can I help you with anything?" he rudely responded.

"Oh, um, sorry... Is Jess-" She was cut off by the man coming out of the back room.

"Rory?" he asked.

"Jess! Hi! You're here. Good. I'm glad. I was worried you might've moved or something."

"Nope. Still here. A working class hero."

"That's good."

"So, are you in the market for some new reading materials, or..."

"No, no. I was just in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd say hello. So... Hello!"

She started nervously staring at her shoes.

"You here with the campaign?"

"How'd you know about that?"

"Luke told me. Or, more like showed me. He sent me like five emails with videos from CSPAN where you could see half of your head like four people away from Obama."

"Did he? That's nice of him."

"Yeah, he's always sending me stuff like that, stuff about April's science projects..."

"Aww, that's sweet."

"Yeah. Not very good with technology though. I usually get about five copies of whatever he sends me."

"He's not really the Bill Gates type."

"That he's not."

They stand awkwardly, Jess with his hands in his pockets, both of them gazing at their shoes.

"So, did you just wanna say hi, or..." he trailed off.

"Oh! Yeah. Could we maybe go somewhere to talk?"

"Sure," he said. "You wanna go upstairs?"

"Sounds good."

Everything about Jess' apartment was a typical boy's apartment, except for one thing: the massive wall sized bookshelves that made it look more like a small library than an apartment. Other people may be put off by this, but not Rory; this was her dream home.

"Your place is amazing! Oh my god! How much did you pay for all these books? You've got like 30 times as many as I do."

"Not much. You know, gifts, readers copies, maybe a couple library books that are long past due."

"Well, I'm envious."

They talked for a good hour, about everything they used to talk about. It felt good to Rory, it was comfortable, and it was safe, and yet dangerous at the same time. She was in the deep end of the pool, but the water felt so nice. She wanted to be here. She was happier than she had been for a while. Finally she could no longer stop herself. In the middle of Jess' sentence, something about the way rain sounded different in Philadelphia, she leaned in and kissed him.

He tasted like strawberry banana gum, something she didn't expect, but was pleasantly surprised with. Everything else, however, was exactly as perfect as she remembered it. This was never their problem. That was always maturity and time.

She ran her hand up Jess' neck, over his cheek, and through the hair on the back of his head. She let her hand rest there, her fingers playing with his hair, until...

"Rory, no!" Jess said as he nudged her off of him. "Rory, we can't do this. We can't. You can't do this to ME."

"What?"

"Rory. We can't do this."

"Why?"

"The last time I saw you, you told me you were in love with him!"

"But Jess..."

"No, Rory. If you wanna be with him-"

"Jess! We broke up. Over a year ago. I'm not with him. I don't want to be with him. I want to be with you."

"I'm sorry, Rory."

Rory was crying now. Everything she hoped for came crashing down.

"Why?" she sobbed.

"Rory, I couldn't wait on you forever. I couldn't just pine while you were off living your life. I couldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. I don't deserve that!"

"Jess!"

"No, Rory! I am with someone, someone who wanted me. And not just for a backup plan!"

"Jess, you are not just a backup plan! You are what I want. You're what I've ALWAYS wanted. I've just been so scared, and-"

"No! Rory, NO! You need to go. I'm sorry, but I can't. We can't. I'm with Tasha. I'm sorry."

"Okay..." she sniffed. She ran down the stairs, and past her leather-bound friends. She went through the door and heard the strap of Christmas bells on it jingle behind her. She tried hard to look fine, but people still glanced. She wiped away her tears, and rubbed her eyes.

She was back on the bus now, the other reports having a discussion about Don't Ask/Don't Tell, but she couldn't be bothered to join in. She walked to an empty seat near the back of the bus and laid down her things, then stuffed herself into the small bathroom by the seat. She took her phone out of her purse, and pressed the number one button on the speed dial. As she sat there alone in the small silver bathroom, the phone dialing, she proceeded to fall apart. Finally, the familiar voice picked up on the other side of the line. "Mom..."

—

Jess sat alone in the apartment, reading, trying to erase the day's events from his memory. He didn't need this. Not now. He was happy. He was in a relationship with a woman who wanted to be in a relationship with him, and who he wanted to be in a relationship with.

He heard the deadbolt turning. The door clanked open, and a woman with wavy red hair, and soft pink skin. Her green eyes sparkled like sunlight bouncing off the ocean.

"Hey hey! God, Whole Foods is crazy! I had to push a woman with a rhinestone muumuu out of the way in the frozen food section. Seriously, lady, like you eat vegan burgers! I have eyes! STEP AWAY!"

Jess remained silent, his nose pressed in a copy of Rob Sheffield's "Love is a Mix Tape."

"Hello, Jess? Wake up."

"Sorry. Reading."

"I see that. So, Dex said there was a girl up here today," she says as she gazes at him, waiting for the truth.

"Dex says a lot of things," Jess retorts.

"So there wasn't a girl up here today?"

"There was. Just an old friend from Stars Hollow."

"Ah, Stars Hollow."

"Yep."

"Dex said she was crying."

"What?"

"She was crying."

"Don't remember that."

Tasha took a deep breath, pushing her curly red bangs out of her eyes. "Was it her?"

"Don't know who you're talking about. Care to be more specific."

"Jess, you know who I'm talking about." She sat down on the bed next to him, marked his place in the book, and closed it. "Just be honest with me. She craned down to kiss him, and he kissed back. He moved his hand under her shirt, and started to peck at her neck with his lips. "No, Jess. Stop avoiding. Why was there a girl in our apartment today, and why did she leave here in tears?"

Jess rolled his eyes.

"Jess! Don't roll your eyes. Why was there a girl running away from our apartment crying? It's not really a difficult question."

"I'm going out," he said as he stood up, and headed out the door, down the steps, and out of the bookstore.

—

** DECEMBER 20th, 2008 **

Rory sat at the reception, watching everyone dance to Roxy Music's "Mother of Pearl", obviously her mother's choice of song. Jess sat across the room at the bar, a beer clutched in his hand. Rory caught his gaze, and they stood magnetized to each other. Finally, Jess walked over and sat next to her.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she replied shyly, pulling her hair behind her ear.

"So... I broke up with Tasha."

"That's nice."

"Are you really broken up with him?"

"Yep."

"This isn't just you trying to get revenge or something, right?"

"Jess, I haven't talked to him in over a year."

"Okay."

He took Rory's hand, and led her to an empty hallway in Miss Patty's studio.

"I guess we need to have a serious conversation then," Jess said. "I need to know that this is real this time, Rory. I came back for you, twice. And you said no, twice. I can't do it again. I can't. I told you I loved you. I told you I loved you, and I don't do that, Rory. That isn't me, but Rory, I had to tell you, because it's true, and I held it in for so long, and I couldn't anymore. And I love you. I'll still say it, because it's still true. I worked SO HARD trying to get over you, and it never worked. It almost did with Tasha, but you were always there, and then you came by the store, and it was all worse."

"Well, gee, I'm sorry you had to go through all of that."

"I'm not, Rory. Because I want this. And I know you want this. And there is nothing keeping us from this anymore, but I need to know that it's real. I need to know that you aren't just lonely, or sad. I need to know that you're not doing this to get back at Logan, or Dean. I need to know that this is real."

"Jess, I haven't talked to either of them in over a year! But I came to see you, and you threw me away!"

"I didn't throw you away, Rory! You don't know what you did to me!"

"The same thing you did to me when you left! You left, and you didn't even say goodbye, Jess. And then you come back, out of nowhere, and you tell me you love me. And then you disappear again, only to show up at school, and you ask me to run away with you! But I couldn't, Jess. And then you come back again two years later, and I'm so messed up, and you're getting everything together, and you wrote a book. You wrote A BOOK! And what was I doing? Absolutely nothing, and I'm finally getting things back on track, and I go and see you and you try and start things up again, but I said no, because I thought that track was Logan, but it wasn't. That track was to me, to get me together, the way I was supposed to be. To get everything in order again. And then, Jess, that track... It went to you. You're my track, or you're on my track, I DON'T KNOW, whatever! But it's you, Jess. You're my past, and I want you to be my present, and my future. I want it, Jess."

"Okay," he says calmly.

"Okay? That's it? OKAY? That's all you have to say?"

He puts his arm around her, pulling her toward him. Their foreheads touch, and they become heart-shaped as their bodies correspond. They're against the wall, and Rory can feel the cold cement bricks on her neck, contrasting with the warmth of Jess' breath on her lips. She takes his hand, holding it while stroking his palm with her finger. His kisses become slower, and he pulls away, leaving three small pecks on her lips, and a final seal on the tip of her nose as he runs his finger along her ear. "Okay," he says again, just as calmly as before.

She lingers, her forehead resting atop his, and through a smile she breathes one word. "Okay."


End file.
